Sweet Soulmates.

I remember falling in love once.

It came easy.

It was beautiful

We shared much more than laughter and love.

We shared our minds and experiences.

Our happiness and our grievances.

I remember realizing that I wasn’t ready.

It was hard to admit. 

It was hard to accept.

We talked about marriage so easily.

We wanted a family together so soon.

It was scary.

And I failed to share this conclusion.

I remember being irritated.

That he wasn’t exactly what I wanted at that moment.

I wanted to experience new things, 

And yet I still wanted to keep him close.

It was selfish.

We both became selfish.

We shut each other out.

We let others dictate the rules and regulations of our bond.

I remember getting hurt.

It was hard to deal with.

I was in denial.

I believed that although he was not made for me,

I was made for him.

It sucked.

Constant comparisons to girls who just didn’t measure up to my expectations for him drove me crazy.

I remember recognizing his role as my soulmate.

I wanted more for him.

I wanted more for us.

We wanted to have our cake and eat it too.

We were selfish.

We were crazy.

We were in love. 

Perhaps we still are.

But unresolved conflicts and feelings do not produce a progressive future.

We are caught in past memories.

We are stuck in the pain of the past.

But no amount of warning can keep us away when in the same vicinity.
So we steer clear, only crossing paths when bittersweet nostalgia is too much to bear.

I still remember our love, our fights, our kisses, our cries, our hugs.

It’s all I have left, so I remember it all. 

2Face

I have to stop.

I need to breath. 

There’s so many conflicting thoughts and emotions that at times I can hardly believe my eyes as I move from place to place. 

These spaces are so unfamiliar, they are too unfamiliar.

If I’m lucky this autumn nostalgia will calm my thoughts and ease the speed of my beating heart.

I know exactly how I wound up here, and I know exactly where it’ll end. 

This never ending cycle of cat and mouse is just not for me.

Im a cat pretending to be a mouse, a wolf pretending to be a sheep.

I need to stop.

I have to breath.

I am yearning for peace. I crave stability.

These people are so unfamiliar, too unfamiliar.

Principles of population tell me, that they’re stuck in a cycle of misery and happiness, believing that a one track mind will end in self improvement.

They don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they're doing but yet they want me. 

If I’m lucky I can ignore it. I can fall so deeply in love with myself that the attention from others means nothing.

But I cannot do what has already been done. 

I’ve already stopped and taken my breaths. 

The days have become more clear as the leaves turn shades and begin to drop.

These places and these people are more transparent to me than they will ever know. 

I am lucky to have found my way by maintaining my peace and stability. 

I am lucky to have held onto my memories.

I was never pretending to be anything. 

There are two sides to me. Probably more.

Which side do you know?