Time's Up

So, I don’t really care no more

This ain’t really it for me so 

I have to let you know 

I have to let this go

Because time is up for this show

See its more than just physical 

Whole other levels to explore

You have to go in deep 

Get intertwined with my dreams

And be consistently on my mental.

Time after time

I’ve drawn these lines

See my emotional needs 

Will always supersede

Whatever my body craves for.

First, Second, Last.

First things first,

They're going to walk away, 

And you're gonna let em.

They're going to fail,

To understand the comparisons,

To make the connections,

And that's when you take your leave.

The second you have to change 

Who you are to fit them,

It's time to take your leave.

They have to accept
That who you are is okay
You can only change yourself
If under the influence of love

The last thing you need,

Is to have to apologize

For simply being who are you.

Being unapologetically you.

Its okay to polish your rough edges,

Its okay to note your flaws,

Its okay to try and transform.

But as you take your time 

To understand and love yourself,

You deserve to have that reciprocated

From whomever claims to accept you.

'Preciate Ya

I was watching.
How your eyes light up,
Whenever I hold back my smile.

I noticed that
There are endless kisses on my forehead
When you think I need some attention.

I was listening.
So I brought your favorite ice cream.
To cement how fond of you I am.

Subtle gestures
Just to show you,
I enjoy you.

I enjoy the time.
I enjoy the moments
And I love the way you are.

Lessons

I can't make you love me.
And I'm not going to try to.

I can't make you value me
So I'm not going to attempt to.

If you have to hurt me,
Just to discover you love me,
Lesson learned.

For you and I.

If you have to ignore me,
Just to see my worth,
Then, lesson learned.

For you and I.

I can't make you choose me.
That's backward.

I can't make you understand me.
That power rests in your hands.

I can only mirror what I want,
Mirror what I expect.
Lesson learned yet?

Because that's for you.

I can only put my trust
Into something that shows it's for me.
Lesson learned yet?

Because that's for you.

It's not easy to wear my heart on a sleeve.
It's not easy to give unconditionally.
It's hard not to be slightly vindictive

But I'm still learning,
Still learning the trades of love, commitment, & relationships.

Still learning how to let love live,
Ya know?

Perception

You don't really get it.
You pretend like you do,
But your actions show you don't.

Your views bias.
Your perceptions skewed.
So that they only benefit you.

Take a moment.
Take a step out of your own shoes
Try on those which don't belong to you.

Your thoughts clouded
Conflicting with trying to overpower another's.
Silence won't make it any better.

You don't really get it.
You act like you do.
But your words show you don't.

You did not build what's around you.
You did not make this world you live in.
None of us did.

You don't really get it.
You pretend like you do.
I can tell you don't.

But then again, that's just my perception.

Please.

It's not you, it's me.
If it don't touch my soul
I can't believe in it.

Reach into my mind,
Dive into my heart,
Get my attention.

Your influence is dying.
Your power is waning.
And your love,
It's shallow.

If its not me, then it's you.
How often should it be,
That I ask for affirmations.

Look into my eyes
Explore my thoughts
And for once,
Engage my mind.

Daddy's Little Girl

I blame my father for the way I view things. Late nights as he gave my brother advice on how to woo women, I would listen. Listen to the advice on consistency. Lessons to always say what you mean and mean what you say and add the actions to match.

So no, I'm not that woman who swoons over good morning texts. So no, I'm not that woman hanging onto your every word. So no, I don't care about being taken out to dinner. So no, I don't care if "you don't usually do this type of thing."

Since when, did a simple date mean I'm serious about you. Since when, did a nightcap mean anything more than physical attraction. Since when, did a simple text back every now and then mean consistency. Since when, do words without action and actions without words mean anything than more randomness.

I'm not impressed with simple "how's your day?" I'm not impressed with a mere phone call. I'm not impressed with your offers to "choose where to go" or "where to eat." I'm not impressed by anything that lacks meaning. 

I blame my daddy for how I handle things. I write letters, I sing love songs, and I prove the meaning of my words with every action that I complete. 

So yes, I can profess my love. So yes, I can be your rock. So yes, you can count on me. And yes, I can be yours and only yours.  

But, I won't stand for giving what I don't receive. I won't remain consistent in the name of keeping things kosher. I won't live in a fantasy world when reality shows me that its bullshit. And I won't sit idle as you figure out how to behave. 

I was taught to build men up not tear them down. I was taught that you have to stand by those you love. I was taught that sometimes people just aren't worth your time. And I was taught sometimes you're good to people that just aren't good for you. 

So if you're finding yourself, stay in the friend zone. If you can't remain consistent in and out of my presence, stay away. If your opinions are more important than hearing a different perspective, don't bother. If you cannot take the time to understand who I am and how that relates to you, don't waste your time.

I do not crave a man's attention. Its from having a man's attention that I act the way I do. Its from having a man's attention that I will not accept mediocrity. Its from having a man's attention that I know my worth.

And I can thank my father for that.